The year was 2021, the year of the pandemic, and I remember it vividly. I was at the top of my graduating class and took my degree to show my grandmother the distinction I worked so hard to get, considering classes could only be held online that year. My excitement was quickly diminished when, instead of celebrating my academic prowess, she berated me for not “bringing home a husband” instead. This is not a unique experience, but one shared between women of various cultures and backgrounds. We are never considered to be enough until we have a man to speak on our behalf.
An Artifact of a Time When Women Weren’t Permitted Autonomy
As frustrating as my grandmother’s statement was to hear, I cannot blame her for her outdated perspective. In previous times, female singlehood often carried negative connotations. For women, being single was never seen as a choice, but an undesired “intermediate” state before reaching the perceived goal of marriage. There has always been a common misconception that women need to be married to be fulfilled and that single people are not as happy as those in romantic relationships.
Aesthetics aside, there were greater social reasons as to why women initially had to get married, but are opting out of it now. Before the rise in female autonomy, marriage was a means of survival. Legally, in many countries, women did not have individual identities outside of their husbands. In order to participate economically in society, a woman had to be legally bound to a man who would do it on her behalf, because women were not allowed to work or open bank accounts without a man’s consent.
Women’s Rights: Formalized For Less Than 200 Years
However, change was first seen with Mississippi’s 1839 Married Women’s Property Act, which afforded women the right to own property in their own name. The roaring twenties brought with it the suffrage for white women in the United States (excluding women of colour, for whom it would come later). In the European Union, the 1957 EU action for equal pay was established, which promoted equal pay regardless of gender. This was intended to start efforts to close the gender pay gap, although it has not yet succeeded.
Through decades of slow progress, women are finally no longer secondary humans, but real people with real rights. Now, we have a choice, and many women are choosing to refrain from marriage. This could mean dating but abstaining from marriage, or not entering into any kind of formal relationship at all. As a byproduct of expanded freedom and economic independence, singlehood has shifted from a shameful practice to a refusal to settle. A woman’s choice to get married or have kids later in life or even not at all reflects women’s empowerment and improved social conditions.
Credit: Nearly Half of U.S. Adults Say Dating Has Gotten Harder for Most People in the Last 10 Years, Pew Research Center, Washington, D.C. (August 20, 2020)
Freed from Obligations, Choosing What’s Best for Themselves
Although full equality for women is yet to be reached in every country, many women are now freed from the burden of reaching mandatory relationship milestones in order to survive and be considered members of society. Singlehood is no longer a sad, intermediate phase. In fact, research shows that single women without children are consistently ranked as the happiest group of people recorded. Without the pressure and obligation to marry, many people are now free to live happily according to their own choices. The pressure to marry has significantly lost its weight, and marriage is no longer the end-all be-all. Instead, it is an active choice for both parties involved.
Credit: lainey.molnar via Instagram
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