High healthcare costs and weak social safety nets mean that formal care is out of reach for many families. Care for one person can cost more than an entire year’s average salary, which means a majority of family, elder, and community care work is still undertaken by women and girls. UN data finds that adult women spend more than twice as many hours per day on unpaid care work as men. In 2021, the total valuation of this unpaid caregiving labor performed in the US was approximately 600 billion USD.
Average minutes spent by those aged 15-64 in paid/unpaid work per day
Credit: OECD, CC BY-ND 3.0, via Statista
Our Responsibilities to One Another
In the event that a partner requires care, the healthy or able partner must take on the responsibilities of work, household work, and carework of their spouse. This is when the gender gap in caretaking experience can have serious consequences. A 2025 European study examined the divorce rates of couples over the age of 50. It found that the rate of divorce for couples with both spouses in good health and not experiencing mobility issues was in line with that of couples where the husband reported experiencing health or mobility issues. However, when the wife experienced health or mobility issues, the risk of divorce was higher.
As birth rates decrease and our societies age, taking care of one another is going to become an ever greater responsibility. More male allies are going to need to show up for their loved ones to ensure that they are supported in their times of need.
“That’s when my mindset completely shifted.”
Takashi Hamanishi of DAIOHS JAPAN CORPORATION is one such male ally. Many years ago, his wife was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, which required her to be repeatedly hospitalized for months at a time. Suddenly, he found himself responsible not only for his work to ensure the funding for his wife’s medical care, but also for the daily tasks of managing his household and caring for their two children.
Takashi Hamanishi (DAIOHS JAPAN CORPORATION)
Hamanishi says the “Showa-style” mindset he had grown up in had pushed strict, traditional gender roles and expectations. Hamanishi had distinguished himself by taking paternity leave with his children around 20 years ago, which was uncommon at the time, but had otherwise been a “Showa-style workaholic,” while his wife had been a stay-at-home mother. When his wife fell ill, his previous work and lifestyle became unsustainable.
For years, he dedicated every free hour to housework, caring for his family, and keeping his wife company in the hospital. Managing the emotional and physical impact of caregiving was a challenge. At that time, he worked at Japan Tobacco Inc., which had been heavily promoting healthy work-life balance for employees. When his company was notified of his circumstances, his work assignments were reduced. Unfortunately, his work hours had become a source of respite, an opportunity to catch his breath and distract his mind. This meant that his company’s attempt at kindness had backfired. It felt as though his company believed he could not be trusted with important responsibilities due to his caretaking work, and he was conflicted about having to comply with the decision without his opinion being considered.
We Must All Contribute for Equity in the Home
Hamanishi’s first-hand experience helped him to truly understand the never-ending nature of domestic tasks, wondering if his wife had felt the same burden prior. After his wife passed, Hamanishi strove to maintain this equitable mindset when entering into his second marriage. He says, “I honestly had a slight desire for her to be a stay-at-home wife. However, after my own experiences, I was disappointed in myself for wanting to revert to being a Showa-era man. I realized that I shouldn’t hinder her career.” He would be an equal partner who shared the housework fairly and supported his wife’s career. This consistency and dedication to his family provided his children (now adults) with a model of a healthy and balanced partnership that he sees reflected in their relationships today.
In reflection, Hamanishi disregards those who think he risked his career by dedicating so much time to his family. He says, “Let them think what they want. I don’t want to become successful at the expense of my family.” That manifestation of the “Showa” mindset has no place in today’s society, and the development of male allies like Hamanishi will instead contribute to building further equity into our homes and societies.
Men should be good partners, family members, and neighbors who are able to look around themselves to see where they can step up to contribute care. As individuals, men are highly valued members of their communities with the power to create positive change for so many. In the workplace, male allies play a major role in creating inclusive spaces, changing long-held standards, and creating support systems that benefit people like Hamanishi during their family’s time of need. Making it possible to balance work and family life is key to developing effective, successful employees. After all, those who take time off to do care work aren’t lazy; they are simply doing the work that needs to be done.
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