I have heard countless stories of people who have struggled to conceive after years of unsuccessful attempts. Although the reasons and circumstances differ, the underlying story was always the same; the woman bore the blame. In reality, however, men can and do contribute to infertility issues in a relationship. Sadly, this fact is still ignored by many.
Medical Perspectives: What Does It Mean to Be “Infertile?”
Infertility, defined as being unable to conceive after one year of trying, is not a condition exclusive to women. Although 1 in 6 people (approximately 17.5% of adults) experience infertility across all income levels, women are scapegoated at nearly all stages of the reproductive cycle. Infertility is not the only burden that women are often held accountable for. Responsibility for contraceptive methods falls nearly completely on the shoulders of women, as does the inability of a couple to bear children, and the baby’s health after birth. Failure in any of these stages is a reflection of the poor spiritual health of the mother in many cultures.
Similarly, and incorrectly so, the sex of a child is perceived to be the responsibility of a woman in many regions of the world, disregarding the unpredictable nature of biology. Son preference, the pressure to bear sons, has resulted in sex-selective abortions, and the ill-treatment of female children. This is why pressure is often placed on a woman to have boys instead of girls and failure to do so can lead to infidelity and domestic abuse.
Cultural Perspectives: Pressures and Expectations of Fertility
All of this is a reflection of traditional and outdated gender roles. Economic, social, and traditional factors contribute to the cultural preference for sons over daughters in many areas. While daughters may be viewed as financial liabilities because of dowries or restricted working prospects, sons are frequently recognized as the family’s heirs and the ones who support their parents in their later years. For women, having children is often seen as a means of securing status in a community and fulfilling her due diligence as a wife. Meanwhile, for men, it is a sign of masculinity and power. Although the perspective is changing with time, this mindset lingers in many cultures.
Such stigmatization causes unnecessary psychological and emotional harm to women while disregarding scientific realities. For example, in Ghana, women who are unable to conceive are socially and economically isolated because their relatives identify them as cursed or condemned. Contrarily, men frequently avoid criticism, which maintains negative power relations and the idea that only women are in charge of carrying on family traditions.
Reject the Stigma. Speak Out.
So what can be done? Break the silence. There is still a great need for mass education about the shared responsibility of infertility and the possible conception alternatives available. Normalizing the use of and increasing access to other assisted reproductive technologies such as in vitro fertilization (IVF), surrogate use, and adoption can decrease stigma and empower women to view their worth as more than fertility. Additionally, government policies could assist in ensuring accessibility to fertility care as infertility is often preventable. Country case studies undertaken by the United Nations revealed a correlation between fertility policies implemented by governments and fertility trends dominating in their countries.
Lastly, understand that you are not alone on your fertility journey. By speaking out about it and joining support groups, you can help combat external pressure and feelings of insufficiency. Michelle Obama, former First Lady of the United States said, “I felt like I failed, because I didn’t know how common miscarriages were. Because we don’t talk about them.”
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