Recently, I had the pleasure of joining the State of Men 2025 webinar hosted by Consciously Unbiased, which discussed male relationships, masculinity, and the effect of the patriarchy in male spaces. What stood out to me was that the panelists kept referring back to the fact that men needed relationships.
Patriarchal spaces tend to overemphasize romantic and sexual relationships with women as the only relationships of value. At the same time, they diminish the value of friendship and platonic intimacy. Men who are unable to get a partner and have difficulty forming and maintaining friendships are then left with no one.
The Common Struggle to Build Healthy, Intimate Bonds
The patriarchy, though generally considered a weapon against women, also negatively impacts men. Patriarchal thinking isolates men as it stigmatizes seeking connection and intimacy with other men, preventing the formation of healthy communities and emotional openness. We see this in common statements like “boys don’t cry,” “boys will be boys,” and societal pressures that judge talking about feelings and asking for help as “gay.” Popular ideals of masculinity rooted in the patriarchy are often exclusionary, through misogyny, racism, homophobia, and ableism. This leads men who don’t fit a certain “ideal” to experience intersectional erasure and discrimination.
During the webinar, they discussed how the patriarchy is rife in the workplace “boys’ clubs.” Homophily within these groups is extremely common, rejecting those who don’t fit the image or share the interests of those at the top. Many talented employees, male and female, may be undercut or overlooked simply because they don’t belong to this exclusive club of men who look and think the same. This affects a company’s leadership because members of the boy’s club often get the first consideration for promotions, regardless of whether they’re the best person for the job. When this happens, it leaves diverse members feeling dissatisfied and unhappy.
Connections in the Workplace: Growing Together
Sponsorship is a powerful tool that can combat this culture of patriarchy and nepotism. Distinct from mentorship, which focuses on changing the mentee, the goal of sponsorship is for the sponsor to use their influence and position to talk up the sponsee and enable the growth of their career. Typically, upper management is matched with a junior in the company to help advance their junior’s career alongside company goals. When done right, sponsorship can create strong bonds between individuals while truly benefitting sponsors, sponsees, and the organization itself. Well-executed sponsorship can also be useful in curbing imposter syndrome. When a sponsor puts their career on the line to advocate for their sponsee in influential rooms, it can elevate the sponsee into roles they are not only qualified for but truly deserving of.
Men at all stages of a male-dominated organization or field can benefit from forming long-term sponsor-sponsee relationships with those outside of their groups. Fostering these relationships is about more than just career development. It’s also about actively dismantling the exclusionary mindset that stifles innovation, causes an organization to lose talent, and perpetuates inequity. Building a more inclusive community starts with men challenging the very norms that keep them isolated.
Employees in large companies who are satisfied with their rates of advancement
Data via Center for Talent Innovation
Reaching Out to Others to Meaningfully Improve Lives
As we know, the patriarchy keeps these systems in place to benefit certain groups and exclude others. However, men who believe that they’re better off without connection are only holding themselves back. Therefore, to meaningfully improve the conditions of men, rejecting this mindset and rediscovering the importance of community is necessary.
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